Friday, January 06, 2006

super_ap in the stylings of H. Kornfeld

'Sup G's, check it out: there's a numbah of thangs that rock my casbar the wrong fukkin' way. And itz about time I laid it all down for ya bitchez, Booyakasha!

Numbah 1: The super_ap is hardcore for officin', y'all know it; gimmie that 5-day grind, and I'm happier than a pig in sheeit. But y'all know those playa-hata's who be limpin' around the office like three-toed sloths, complainin' about 'how much work they got', and 'what a long day', and ma least favourite is when someone sayz to me: 'happy hump day.' Fo some reason, they only do this on Wednesdayz but I don't fukkin' get it. I ain't NEVER bin humped at work befoe.

Thatz fo real. Wiggity-whack, you betta check yourself befo ya wreck yourself.

Numbah 2: Don't come 'round ma office and aks me if you can borrow my pen. I mean, what the fizzy do I look like?! The supply cabinet is over there, asshole. For example, 'John' was at the office copier and I guess he needed to write something. Stupid punk came into da super_ap's office and reached for ma Pilot 0.5 VBall Grip Extra Fine green pen. I stood up quick: "What? What! What? WHAT?! You wanna step outside, biatch!? Throw yo guns in the motherfuckin' air!"

'John' musta shit his pants. "James, I... uh... just... er.. want to... er... borrow a pen."

"Right, whateva dawg," as I passed him my pen, "but reach fo da super_ap's pen again, motha-fukka, and I'll getchya with the staple-remova of death. That'z right, fool."

Ain't no stoppin' this shit, nigga.

Numbah 3: Anotha thang that rubs me the wrong way is when people send in their Cheque Requisitions, Release of Goods forms, or Purchase Order Requisitons and they haven't filled it out right. Niggaz betta recognize I don't have time for this shizzle. For reals, I've seen 'em missing ID numbahs, incomplete addresses, even incorrect account codes. For crying out loud, the homies in Finance created those account codes for a reason foo, use 'em!

I tell ya, it dont stop till the wheels fall off.

Numbah 4: The otha morning, those whack 'tards from the Accountin' section musta had a birthday cake in for someone, or something, cuz they be singing an' laughin'. Meanwhile, me and the boos in Accountz Payable are about ready to bust some caps, if ya know what da super_ap be talking about.

Shit's about to get ugly, betta duck yo head. Damn.

That's all I got to say about that. It's been a Slice, or a Yoohoo, or whateva. Keep it real, homies, super_ap out.

Thanks go to Palmer and the H-Dawg himself for the inspiration. Also, all names and events are fictional.


JamesMo said...

I usually have something funny to say.

Ferda said...

mwahahaha awesome post!

James said...

this actually took me a few days to complete. I referenced gizoogle also.

Palmer said...

That was beautiful. It's freakin hard to write in that language but by year's end, you'll be writing all your posts like that!

I think you should definitely set up its own section on the site.

super_ap's Rants

Kevin said...

That was da shizzle.

Mad props to you dog. You be keepin dis shit realz.

Anonymous said...

What the hell? That was just too dope for me!! ;-S

James said...

HP. You are too dope for us all.